Before I post my re-watch reactions to Community- and by "reactions" I mean "feelings," because obviously I've seen the episodes before- I need to take a moment and bitch about the tragedy that is Gossip Girl.
Now I came into watching this show very late in the game. I know it started in 2007 and I really wanted to start watching it when it aired, but somehow I got sidetracked, then I forgot, and then I continued to forget until, magically, five years went by. This year, I watched "The Roommate" with a couple people in my dorm (How fitting right? Nothing says "college" like a horror movie about a psycho killer) and I was like, "I know that girl from somewhere..." And it didn't hit me until the end of the movie that it was Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl, although I didn't know that was her name, obviously.
So then I found the series online and became addicted. I watched all four seasons and caught up with the current fifth season in a month. Every free second I spent was watching this show- more proof I have no life, but if you didn't know this by now... Look, I'm not party-friendly. I don't even drink soda let alone alcohol and I just hate that drunken, sweaty, slobbering party scene. It's for my psychotic ex-roommate, not me. I prefer to spend my weekends playing The Sims 3 and watching Netflix. Anyway, moving on.
I became easily addicted to this show and that's not surprising, really. I have a very addictive personality. I can't just like something, I either love it or I hate it. I'm very black or white about these things, never in between (ha ha... get it? I'm multuracial... Anyway...). So when I start something new and love it, I have to know everything about it. I do it/use it/watch it nonstop until I know everything about it. That's just me. I'm very thorough. =P But yeah, Gossip Girl was no different. The first season was perfection and I fell in love. The characters intrigued me and the story-lines were so complex and dramatic and it was everything a teen drama should be. =P
The second season came, things got better, drama got more dramatic, Dan and Serena called it quits for good, and things between Chuck and Blair heated up (Oh and by the way, before we go any further, I am absolutely 100% in love with Chuck and Blair. All of that ranting about Community's "shipping" goes out the window with the rest of the shows I watch. I thought you should know that ahead of time). Then the third season was a hell of a bumpy ride, which I loved because I love drama (that doesn't involve me =P). And then... The fourth season. This is where Gossip Girl hit its decline.
First problem- Louis, Prince of Monaco. Second problem- Russell and Raina Thorpe. Third problem- Carol and Charlie. Fourth Problem- The beginning of Dan and Blair. Fifth Problem- Carol and Charlie. Sixth Problem... Have I mentioned how much I hate Carol and Charlie?
But if you look at that list, a list much, much shorter than the one I'm planning for the fifth season, it's not that bad, right? Four major problems in an otherwise okay season. I dislike Russell and Raina Thorpe because of my undying obsession with Chuck Bass and anyone who tries to come in between Chuck and happiness makes me rage. And this is, undoubtedly, what these Thorpe bitches wanted to do. First they try to destroy Chuck's business, then they try to kill Blair? These bitches serious? Hell hath no fury like a Chuck Bass scorned ;).
But speaking of Blair, she and Chuck in this season are no longer together, much to my disappointment, although it's clear they both have residual feelings for one another. Which brings us to two of the aforementioned problems- #1 Louis and #2 Dan. If Blair still has feelings for Chuck, why is she engaged to this French asshole? I thought he was sketchy from day one, even when everyone else was like, "Blair's finally found happiness! He's giving her the fairytale she's always dreamed of!" Yeah, okay. How did that work out, again? More on that later.
And then Dan. First of all, these two hated each other from the very beginning. And I had no problem with them being friends. Honestly, I didn't. Serena was like traveling the world, or something and Chuck wasn't around and who the hell knows what Nate was doing (oh by the way, Chace Crawford, mmm), so who else did Blair have to turn to? She ain't exactly the most friendly of girls. So it made sense. But then when Blair was stuck in the dilemma aptly named Louis vs. Chuck (and, as I've said, chose wrong. Repeatedly.), Dan somehow fell in love with her. What. the. actual. fuck? Writers... Shaking my head. Shaking my head quite hard.
And then, don't even with Carol and Charlie. I cannot stand to look at Carol's misshapen face. I'm sorry. She looks like a horse, almost as much as Sarah Jessica Parker (Sorry SJP, I know you're just an innocent bystander in this rant and you didn't ask for this). Not to mention she's a money-greedy whore who is out for all she can steal and, when she can't get this from her actual, biological child, she turns to some bitch off the street and pays her to lie to her family!! Like, in what universe is this normal behavior? What the hell?
But I went with it. I was saddened by the season four finale when Chuck told Blair to marry Louis because he wanted her to be happy and she told him she'd always love him. It made me sad but I was still convinced everything would work itself out. Oh, hell no. I was wrong, wrong, wrong. Season five started out with finding out that Blair was pregnant. Cool Gossip Girl, so now you've turned into one of those shows. But wait! There's more! We don't know if the father of the baby is Chuck or Louis! There's a twist I didn't see coming...
Just kidding. I knew they'd do that. And that just made me even more mad, because for a while Blair wanted the baby to be Louis's, and then Chuck's, and meanwhile she's still stringing Dan along and I just want to shake this girl. Where is the fierce, strong, powerful Blair Waldorf who knew what she wanted? Where is that girl?! Oh, right. Stuck in seasons 1-3. My bad.
Anyway, it doesn't matter who the father of the baby was, because in the episode before the holiday break, Blair chooses Chuck over both Louis and Dan, but they get into a car accident in which she loses the baby and Chuck almost loses his life. Blair, for some ridiculous reason, takes this to mean she's being punished for going against her engagement, so she breaks things off with Chuck again and continues to go through with things with Louis. But, surprise! Dan's actually the one who writes Louis's wedding vows. Wow. And you guys thought this guy was being legit? Really?
The wedding, obviously, goes horribly wrong when Dan sends in a video blast to Gossip Girl of Blair confessing her feelings to Chuck; "Of course I still love you, Chuck. I love you more and more every day!" Well that's not something people needed to hear at her wedding to another man. But Louis decides it doesn't mean anything and the two get married... Only for Blair to learn at their reception that Louis just wanted to get married so he could accept the title of King of Monaco, or something. It was basically a wedding for the press and he wants nothing to do with her once it's official. Cool, that's just great. And Blair does what she does best in this season- she runs away with Dan.
Now, where are Nate and Serena during all of this, you ask? Well that's a fantastic question that I wish I could answer. But the writers gave them zero story-lines until the end of the season, and even then they were so insignificant, I've already forgotten what happened with them. I know Nate dates Lola, or the real Charlotte Rhoades, who is Serena's cousin and half-sister (yeah... don't ask) and Serena spends a few weeks being Gossip Girl, but... that's about it. She and Blair end things awfully, though, because of the whole Dan-jealousy-immaturity thing. Yes, again.
Anyway, Dan helps Blair get a divorce, but surprise! There's a hefty dowry she has to pay to the people of Monaco because she skipped out of the marriage early. Chuck offers to pay it so she can be free, Blair denies him, he does it anyway. Dan and Blair somehow find themselves in a very awkward relationship and when he tells her he loves her, she responds, "I knew that" or "I already knew that" or something equally humiliating, if you're Dan. Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise? Um. Yes. They were never a normal couple to begin with!
But then, magically, Bart Bass is still alive and Chuck is trying to find out who donated blood to keep him alive back in December and then there's a whole scandal about who his real mother is and Blair feels obligated to be there for him, proving to Dan and the audience that, huh, she still has residual feelings for him, doesn't she? Sorry Dan/Blair shippers. You were doomed from the very start. But Bart Bass being alive means he can take over the company and when he does and removes all of Chuck's ownership rights from it, Chuck goes off the deep end.
Of course, this is when Blair appears and tells him she's still in love with him and she realizes that now and now they can be together blah blah blah. But this is the last thing he wants to hear at this point. He spits her own words back at her; in the previous season, when Chuck's business was booming and Blair didn't know what to do with herself, he'd suggested he could support the both of them and she responded, "I don't want to be Chuck Bass's girlfriend." Well now, with Blair taking over her mother's company and Chuck without a job, Blair tells him she'll take care of him, and he says, "I will not be known as Blair Waldorf's boyfriend." Ugh. They have some serious power issues.
Anyway, he goes to Italy or France or something and is in a casino with Jack-ass Bass (that's what I call him now...) when Blair shows up and is like, "You fought for me all year. Now it's time I fight for you. I'm all in." Or... some other gambling double entendre. I don't know. I was already halfway through my screaming obscenities rant at this point to really listen to what she was saying. He legit just stared at her and the season ended.
So... What in the hell happened, Gossip Girl? You were stellar, I mean really on top of your game, here, and then you somehow fell to shit. Where in the hell are Nate and Serena? Why do think we care more about Carol/Lola/William/CeCe/Ivy and whoever else than we do about them? I miss Nate (I mean, come on, it's Chace Crawford) and I miss Serena. Bring them back. Also, Dan was way cooler when he wasn't trying to be "on the inside." Stop trying to fit in. You're not going to. And Chuck and Blair. Please spare me the dramatics. Just let them be happy. I can't handle this back and forth with these two.
I know Joshua Safran is leaving and I can't say I'm saddened by this. He's made some obnoxiously annoying choices, lately. There are only eleven episodes left of this show. Let's hope they can fix the potholes they've left in this show and let it end with the dignity it first started out with.
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