Prison Break? More Like Prison Broke My Heart

Guys, I finished Prison Break and I'm a complete mess. This blog post is likely to be very short and quite incoherent because I can't even express how amazing/upsetting/beautiful the Prison Break finale was. Everything was beautiful and yet everything still hurts, because I can't. I just can't. I'm crying- there's a shocker, am I right?- and my roommate thinks I'm crazy but... If you've watched, you'll understand. And if you haven't, you're about to. Major spoilers up ahead, so if you're thinking of watching, turn back now. I'm about to ruin it for you.

So Lincoln's in trouble, that's how the final episode of Prison Break entitled "Killing Your Number" began. Christina Scofield shot him through the bottom ventricle of his lung, basically granting him a slow and painful death. But not on our watch- Alex Mahone to the rescue!! Mahone detonates a bomb, Christina and her man-protector are killed, and Mahone, Lincoln, Sara, and Michael are able to escape to a seemingly "safe" house. They have Scylla, now, and are trying to figure out what to do with it. If they give it to the General, everything goes back to the way it was- people dying for no reason. If they smash it, what was the point of getting it in the first place? But they decide to destroy it untillllllll- C-Note, Sucre, and Kellerman- whaaaat?! He's alive?! Yes, yes he is- come to their aid and convince them it's a terrible idea. Instead, they should release it to the UN so they can all be exonerated of all charges and move on with their lives. Hmm, what to do, what to do?!

Anyway, there's this huge scene where they try to figure out if they can trust Kellerman, because let's face it, the man hasn't exactly been honest in the past. But Christina comes in, tries to kill Michael and steal Scylla in the process. But oh no, friends, you think Sara's going to let some psycho bitch kill her child's father? Ha, you'd be wrong. She kills Christina, Michael turns Scylla in to Kellerman and the UN and then everyone's exonerated!! Everything is beautiful and nothing hurts!!

Except... yeah, it does. Once they're free, Michael and Sara take a leisurely stroll down the beach, holding hands and talking about their baby, which I think I'm more excited about than they are (though I'm still wondering when they conceived this child because honestly, when the fuck was there time to fuck?!). They're so freaking cute and they're happy for like half a second, which is more time than they've ever had, until Sara looks at Michael and notices his nose is bleeding. And that's when I knew my fears were becoming reality. Michael was sick again and he and Sara weren't going to get their happy ending.

The "Four Years Later" card rolled by. We saw everyone- C-Note being a UPS man, Kellerman in congress, T-Bag back behind bars, Sucre finally with his family, Mahone with his new girlfriend Agent La-something. Can't remember. We even saw Lincoln and Sofia in Panama at their surf shop. But Sucre, Mahone, and Lincoln were all leaving to go somewhere; somewhere we were unaware of. Then, the camera goes to Sara, all lovely in a sundress buying a bouquet of flowers. She says, "Michael, we have to go," and when she turns around, she's talking to her son, not her husband. She asks Michael Jr. if he's ready to go see Daddy, he says yes, and they skip off to meet up with Lincoln, Sucre, and Mahone. From there, we see this:

Never in the world did I expect him to die. I guess I probably should have seen it coming, but I was blinded by the fact that everyone was exonerated and he and Sara were going to have a baby that I just figured his medical thing would sort itself out, like it did previously. However, that wasn't the case. They aren't there to meet up with Michael- they're there to pay their respects to Michael, because, as we assume, he succumbed to his brain tumor and didn't live to tell the tale. I'm already sobbing, but this is all before The Final Break. Oh yeah, this wasn't the end, folks.

The Final Break, or as Netflix put it "The Old Ball and Chain/Free," is the hour-and-a-half long look into what happened in between the exoneration and the four years later. It begins super happily- Michael and Sara's wedding. It's the smallest ceremony I've ever seen- just the bride, the groom, the groom's brother, and the groom's ex-cell mate, and of course, a priest. They get married and they're partying it up at their reception until it's broken up by Miami-Dade police who've come to arrest Sara for the murder of Christina Scofield. What the actual fuck... And just when Michael and Sara were happy, too. This seems to be a theme with them. God forbid they should be happy for a hot second...

So Sara doesn't really bode well in prison because, let's face it, she's not the prison type. Plus she's pregnant, so that's an added worry and since the warden knows she's married to the most famous prison-breaker around, she forbids Michael from visiting her. Somehow they get around that and poor Michael's devastated face when he sees Sara's beaten one is just unbearably sad, because he knows it's his fault she's in prison in the first place. Anyway, a lot of inconsequential stuff happens and Michael, Sucre, Lincoln, and Mahone plan to break Sara out before prison kills her. Or, before Gretchen kills her, because let's face it, the bitch is crazy.

Long story short, Michael makes it in when Mahone causes a distraction and Lincoln and Sucre are driving the getaway car, poised at their supposed exit. However, they get all the way to the end of the line, where an electronic door stands in between them and their freedom. They try everything to get the door open until Michael realizes what he has to do. And this is where I started crying again:

It's when he started saying goodbye to Sara. That's when I lost it. He tells he she has to go so he can save her and she says she isn't going anywhere unless he's coming with her. Then I freaking lost it because he touched her pregnant belly and said, "But I am coming with you." They professed their love for one another one final time, kissed as though their lives depended on it, and then Sara reluctantly hurried to the door, both of them crying their eyes out as I joined them in despair. Michael gave his life for Sara's and their baby's so they could be free. And what a way to go:

There's an explosion and then nothing. Sara yanks open the door, runs down the hall, and into the night, where Mahone, Lincoln, and Sucre are waiting for her. Lincoln asks where Michael is and when Sara begins to cry, everyone knows. He sacrificed his life for her, for everyone, and lament fills the air and I'm crying and they're crying and everything hurtsssss. Mahone hands Lincoln and Sara the papers and DVD Michael wanted them to have in case he didn't make it. The papers are his medical reports, stating his tumor had come back and he didn't have long to live, anyway. The DVD is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and I cried my eyes out when Lincoln and Sara sat down to watch it.

And here it is, Michael's last message to Sara and Lincoln:

"Well, if you're watching this, I'm glad, because it means you're safe. And that's all I ever wanted. I wish I could be there with you, but as you probably know now, I wouldn't have had much time anyway. So I made my choice, and I don't regret it. Anyway, not too long from now there's going to be another little Scofield running around. And Linc--I want you to promise me, no matter what, they're going to grow up knowing their uncle is never far away. And Sara, I want you to promise me that you're going to keep an eye on Linc. As you may have noticed, he has a tendency to get in trouble. You know, we spend so much of our lives not saying the things we want to say. The things we should say. We speak in code and we send little messages, origami. So now, plainly, simply... I want to say that I love you both... very much. And I want you to promise me that you're going to tell my child... that you're going to tell my child how much they're loved every day. And remind them how lucky they are to be free. Because we are. We're free now. Finally. We're free."

I'm going to leave you all with that, because I'm crying again. Good night. </3 

Never Fall In Love With An Inmate... Oops

Friends and family, brethren and sinners all, we're here to chat about Prison Break and one of its most fabulous elements. I ain't talking about the genius scripting or the flawless acting among the multi-talented cast, although these things are quite fantastic and really do make the show perfect. No friends, I'm talking about the whirlwind of a romance that exists between Michael Scofield and Dr. Sara Tancredi. One of my favorite quotations from the show happens to be hers: "The first thing they tell you if you take the job is never fall in love with an inmate..." Oh Sara. You dear thing. You broke that rule, didn't you? ;)

So, as we've discussed in my previous Prison Break post, Michael enters Fox River State Penitentiary with the blueprints of the prison tattooed on his body so he can break his wrongfully accused brother out. He pretends to be diabetic so he'll have to go to the infirmary everyday, which is where he's planned the escape from. He didn't, however, expect to be distracted by the lead doctor on hand, Sara Tancredi. Above, we see one of their first scenes together and they're already getting flirty. The first season is super innocent, at first- Michael's planning an escape but doesn't let Sara know and continues to flirt with her everyday when he visits for insulin. It's harmless, no?

Except, it's not harmless, because it's so wrong. It's very clear that Sara is attracted to him and she spends the whole season fighting this, because she knows she's not supposed to start anything with an inmate. Though Michael's not your average inmate- is it criminal to love your brother so much you'd literally do anything to save him?- Sara knows she could potentially lose her job over this and it's not really worth the risk. Still, it gets harder as Michael saves her life during the prison riot and continues his incessant flirting as the season goes on. Midway through the first season, I'd say, is when you start to see Michael's feelings for Sara come through. And of course, this all culminates in one episode: "The Key."

Ah yes, The Key. The episode title that is a double entendre; a literal key and a metaphor. Michael's plan is to try and get the key to the infirmary from Sara, since Sara is "the key" to making this whole escape plan work. He visits for his daily dose of insulin- as well as for some care to the gigantic burn on his back- and when Sara has her back to him, you can tell there's a plan formulating in his mind. All of a sudden, she turns around again, and he kisses her. And so I'm thinking, "Wow Michael. Way to exploit her feelings for your own benefit." because I was assuming he did it to distract her so he could reach into her pocket and grab the key to the door. But, after a moment, when they pull away, the key is still resting in her pocket. He didn't do it for the key. He did it because he genuinely likes her. He tells her he needs her to do something for him and again I'm thinking he's going to ask her for the key, but instead he pleads, "Wait for me. It won't always be like this. In this room. In this place." And guys, I think my heart melted a little bit.

But she knows it's wrong and she tells him she can't and I'm a little disheartened by this. But, not as much as I am a few minutes later, when Sara realizes that not only did Michael already make a copy of the key, but that she is an integral part of his break out plan. And then drama ensues and whatever was between them is seemingly lost. Sara is, understandably, hurt that all Michael did was use her as a way to figure out his break out plan, but Michael insists this isn't the case and he apologizes for lying to her. Oh man. =( Drama ensues. He pleads for Sara to make a mistake, to break the law basically, and forget to lock up that night and Sara, without a word, leaves the room. Nice one, Michael. I was so sad about this, I actually forgot about the break out plan, for a moment.

Ugh, I couldn't find the picture I wanted so this will have to do. Sara's a good person, so what does she do? She leaves the door open anyway. She honestly believes that Michael doesn't care about her- which isn't even remotely true- but she cares so much about him and wants him to be free, wants him to be safe and happy, so she leaves the door open so Michael and the rest of the Fox River gang can escape. And it's heartbreaking because she knows it's the wrong thing to do. She knows she's going to be in a hell of a lot of trouble and that she could be facing jail time herself. But she did this for Michael, she didn't care what the consequences were. And she feels so guilty that, while Michael and the others are running from the law, Sara attempts suicide by overdosing on morphine.

Season two begins and it's revealed that Sara didn't die, thankfully, and that Michael feels incredibly guilty about how things ended between them. It's obvious, now, that he has feelings for her- feelings that are deeper and more profound than the simple flirting they'd exchanged the previous season. While Sara is in the hospital, she receives a mysterious crane, which if you've been following the series, is Michael's infamous origami piece. Well, that and the rose, but we'll get to that. In the crane, there's a simple message: "There's a plan to make all of this right." Confused, she continues to receive these cranes until she's figured out Michael's message- "Rendezvous, Sundown Hotel." She makes the trip to Gila, New Mexico and meets up with Michael, where they outrun Kellerman, who's hot on their trail.

And then... Shit goes down and not in the good way. Sara's frankly still irritated and again it makes complete sense, because Michael pretty much ruined her life. She's on the run from the law, now, just like he is and though he is truly sorry for this and offers her a way out- he and Lincoln are headed to Panama- she doesn't accept and leaves while he's freshening up, leaving him a message saying, "This time I know better. I'm sorry." And yeah, Michael probably deserved it, but at the same time I was so sad. They'd spent half a season griping about missing the other and then they finally reunited only to be torn apart once more. Sigh...

Except, life for Sara after she leaves Michael only worsens. She gets caught and held captive by Paul Kellerman, who I absolutely loathe by the way. I hated him from the beginning, ever since I found out he was behind the whole framing Lincoln thing and of course, what he did to L.J. Anyway, Kellerman wants to know what Sara's father left her before he died, but, in true allegiance and loyalty to her man and assuming it means something to Michael and Lincoln, Sara refuses to tell him. The result is this:

Yes folks. He sticks her in a bathtub and forces a plugged-in iron in as well. He electrocutes her for answers and when she still gives him nothing, he ties her up and leaves her to drown. Oh the things Sara will do for Michael. She manages to pull the drain cord with her teeth and somehow escape by jumping from the bathroom window and landing on the windshield of a car. She's badly, badly injured, but stitches it up herself- kind of like Lost, actually- and then calls Michael, who has actually been caught by border patrol trying to sneak into Mexico. Ah damn. But he and Lincoln escape and arrange a new meeting with Sara that will hopefully make everything better.

Aw yes. And now shit goes down and it is in a good way, but not before Sara tries to kill Kellerman, which I personally can't blame her for. Then, she locks herself in the bathroom of their moving train to evaluate her life choices (she's jumped bail, she's on the run, she tried to take a man's life, but hey, she's not using, so that's a plus). Michael, once more, apologizes and tells her she will have her life back soon enough. She disagrees but he tells her hope is the only thing that's keeping him going. And what's the only thing keeping Sara going? Yes folks, this is where she says the infamous line- and coincidentally the title of this blog post- "The first thing they tell you if you take the job is never fall in love with an inmate..." And then the two make out and it results in me squealing and flailing like a fool.

Guys, I've been rooting for these two since day one. And I know it's stupid because this is hardly a show where romance takes precedence, but they just make such a beautiful couple. First of all, they're both attractive. Second, as a structural engineer and a doctor, they're both insanely smart. Third, they're just so cute. They seriously have some of the cutest moments on TV ever. And I know I've said that before and I'll say it again. But I don't care. They're so adorable. Also, those hugs? Epic. They literally have the best hugs ever. Keep doing what you're doing, Michael and Sara. It's fantastic.

So then they're together and out of prison and everything's sunshine and rainbows, right? Wrong. The brothers need to get ahold of a guy named Cooper Green for some reason- legit cannot remember- and in the process, Agent Mahone captures Sara and once more holds her hostage to try and get info on the brothers. True to her word, she doesn't tell him a thing. Instead, she somehow manages to escape just as Michael and Lincoln are boarding a freighter to Panama. But before Sara can join them, she realizes she's being tailed and in order for the brothers to depart safely, Sara turns herself in to the police. Noooooooooooo!! I know why she did it and it's completely admirable, but they were so close to sailing off into the sunset and being happy together forever. Oh Prison Break. Why must you do these things to me?

So Sara is put on trial and surprisingly, Kellerman comes forward as a witness and confesses everything. Sara and Lincoln are fully exonerated of all charges and the former immediately hops a plane to Panama to tell Linc he's free and to reunite with her lover. Okay, I didn't mean to make them sound cheap. But they are lovers, what can I say? They're allowed two, maybe three minutes of happiness before that asshole Kim guy comes and tries to kill Michael. Sara shoots him instead and the three run from the Panamanian po-po. Lincoln goes one way, Sara and Michael go another, and soon the latter are stuck in an abandoned cabin that's surrounded by the fuzz. Sara has a breakdown because she just killed a man and Michael tries to calm her down by telling her he'll do everything he can to help her out. They kiss, profess their love for each other, and then step out of the cottage. Here's his brilliant plan:

And that wasn't sarcasm- this really is brilliant. He tells the police he was the one who shot the man, even though Sara is screaming for him to tell the truth and that he really did nothing wrong. Michael tells her, "You sacrificed everything for me once. Now it's time to say thank you." Ugh. I just can't. My heart aches watching these two, in a good way and a bad way. A good way, because I know they would both do absolutely anything for the other, that's how much they love each other. And in a bad way, because now Michael's forced to suffer in Sona, the nastiest prison in Panama, and he can't be happy and free with Sara once more. 

Enter Season 3, a time of angst and despair. Season 3 kind of sucked, I'm not going to lie. It was still Prison Break, sure, so I see what they were trying to do- at the end of Season 2, Michael was sent back to prison so they had to make him break out again, sure. I get it. But the whole season just felt... sloppy. And of course the worst part of it all? When Lincoln finds Sara's head in a box and has to deliver this horrendous news to Michael. Words can't do the scene justice, so here's a photo:

He's sobbing, I'm sobbing, it's just one of the most heartbreaking things this show's done thus far. And after this, Michael just hardens. He closes off. He becomes all about breaking out of Sona because he wants nothing more than to find The Company and make them pay for what they did to Sara. For what they did to him. He doesn't care anymore. He becomes an angry, vulnerable torrent of emotion which is so rare, considering this man, this brilliant man, is usually a strong, unwavering person who can endure anything. But Sara meant the world to him; he loved her so much that when he lost her, he lost everything. Michael Scofield became an empty shell with only one goal- to find The Company and avenge Sara's death.

The rest of the season goes by in an angry blur, but he does manage to break out of Sona and get back to America with one goal in mind and one goal only. Season four begins and Michael is looking for Gretchen Morgan, the woman who killed Sara, and when he finds her at some fancy schmancy business party, he aims a gun at her forehead and says, "This is for Sara." And I'm biting my nails waiting for him to pull the trigger- yes, I've wanted him to take this bitch down, too- when Gretchen says, "Sara isn't dead. I staged the whole thing." WHAT?! Are you serious, bitch? Why put us- I mean, Michael through all of that?! Are ya freaking insane?! Long story short, Michael and Sara reunite and things are happy again...

... If only for a moment.This is about where I am right now. I'm midway through season 4, almost done with the series, but I can already tell that Michael and Sara's love story doesn't have a happy ending. We now know that Michael has a brain tumor, the same fate of his mother, and I can only imagine where the show is going to go from here. For now, I'm going to bask in the beautiful love that exists between these two and the happiness they share, here and there. Also, the joy I get all because Sara broke her number one rule. ;) I only hope one day I can find my own Michael Scofield, because the way he looks at Sara gives me goosebumps. These two are absolutely perfect together and their love for one another radiates whenever they're onscreen. I'm sure more drama will ensue and tears will be shed, but for now, until I finish the series, I'm going to leave you with a picture of them basking in the happiness of being together.

Who's Gonna Get My Back?

Welcome to a rant about the beautiful love story that is Sawyer and Juliet. Tonight must be a night filled with expressions of feelings over TV couples; first Barney and Robin, now Sawyer and Juliet, and coming soon, Michael and Sara. But I haven't talked about Lost in a while and I really miss it, so here comes an expression of love for one of the greatest TV romances, in my humble opinion of course, ever. That is, of course, the two subjects of this entry- James "Sawyer" Ford and Juliet Burke.

It all started here, folks- the season four finale, where everyone tried to get to the freighter because it was supposedly their only chance of rescue. However, the freighter explodes, the helicopter crashes into the ocean, and Sawyer, who has recently jumped from the copter, swims up to shore to find Juliet drinking straight from a bottle of rum. He asks her what she's celebrating and she tells him she isn't celebrating, pointing towards the billowing black smoke out on the horizon where all of their friends have seemingly just perished. "Is that our boat?" Sawyer asks, looking sexy as hell coming out of the water dripping wet. Juliet drinks some more rum and replies, "It was." And thus begins the epic tale of love that is Sawyer and Juliet.

Now I know what you're thinking- that's it? That's their big beginning?! And slow your roll, pacha, they don't immediately start rolling in the sack. Season five begins the oddest season of television I've seen thus far- though it's still fabulous, so no complaints- and Sawyer and Juliet are forced to command the other three they're time-traveling with, Miles, Daniel, and Charlotte, through flashes and jumps to different time periods. Yeah, it's super weird. But this is where Sawyer and Juliet bond- they have adorable bantering conversations and have each other's backs no matter what, whether it's agreeing to decisions made by the other ("Thanks for having my back on the whole beach thing." "You should thank me. It was a stupid idea.") or shooting up crazy islanders trying to murder them ("You still got my back?" "Absolutely."). These two are freaking made for each other and though at first I was surprised the writers put them together, after "LaFleur" I could clearly see why.

So these beautifully broken individuals continued to fight their way through the troubles season five and time travel brought them and along the way, they became companions. They were almost like BFFs in a way no one really was on this show. Sure, people developed friendships- Hurley and Charlie, Kate and Claire, Jin and pretty much everyone- but Sawyer and Juliet just understood each other, you know? It was unspoken that they became each other's right hand and so I guess I should have seen it coming, their relationship. But yet, I was delightfully surprised.

Okay, cut to LaFleur. Charlotte has recently died and Daniel is a hot freaking mess when the four of them, now, are traipsing through the jungle when they come upon Amy, a member of the Dharma Initiative, being held by members of the Others. Long story short, Sawyer and Juliet kill her captors and then get trapped by the DH when they try to be nice and return her to her group. Meh. Anyway, Sawyer comes up with an elaborate story about a shipwreck and a new name, LaFleur, that he now goes by and the DH tells him they can stay for two more weeks.

And this beautiful scene is where it all really began. Because I can't even tell you how many times I've seen this scene and, honestly, it still gives me goosebumps the way they look at each other. He tells her they can stay another two weeks, but Juliet wants nothing more than to leave the damn Island. Sawyer resists and says, "You're really going to leave me here with the mad scientist and Mr. I Speak to Dead People? And Jin, who's a hell of a nice guy, but not exactly a great conversationalist." So great. So she tells him he'll be fine, and his adorable response is, "Maybe... But who's gonna get my back?" Like... so cute, I can't even handle it. It's so unlike Sawyer to show any kind of vulnerability or a need for someone else, but you can see how much he needs Juliet and how much he wants her to stay, and because of that, she agrees to stay for two more weeks.

He asked her stay for two weeks and she stayed for three years. :)

Alas, we have the end of LaFleur and the beginning of a new love. These two are just... ugh. So freaking perfect. So, so perfect, in fact, that I honestly don't know who I love more- Jack and Kate or Sawyer and Juliet. And that is absolute craziness, because I freaking love Jack and Kate... But these two just get me, every time. He's a con man who's life has never been easy and she'd just escaped a verbally abusive marriage before being forced onto the Island and the two just need each other. He needed someone a little more rationally-thinking and she needed someone to loosen her up a bit. And... well, they found these things in each other.

And then, tragedy struck. Just as I was falling in love with these two, and falling fast, Jack decides to fuck everyone's lives up and set off a hydrogen bomb because Daniel said that would make everything go back to normal. Like... really? Ugh. Anyway, Jack didn't always make good decisions, but this isn't about Jack. This is about how Sawyer and Juliet suffered because of said decision. When Jack dropped the bomb, anything metallic got sucked into that gigantic hole. A giant chain was wrapped around her legs and lower torso and thus, sucked her into the hole. And just as I was panicking, thinking Juliet was going to die, Kate called for Sawyer and hurray! He caught her hand and Juliet was saved!! ... Right?

Wrong. He caught her hand and screamed for Kate to help him get the chains off, but neither of them could reach Juliet's waist. The chains pulled and pulled on her and all of the metallic beams started to cave in from the pressure. Juliet knows that if she doesn't let go, they're both going to die, so, with all the difficulty in the world (I can only assume, but if you're watching, you can tell), she glances around and says, "I love you James." Of course, he's taking this as a goodbye and replies, "Don't you leave me. Don't you dare let go." And that's when I lost it. It felt like my heart broke in half. She tells him, "I love you so much!" before falling to her death and Sawyer is left to scream after her, breaking down in sobs as I, watching this gut-wrenching scene, do the same.

And it's just so incredibly sad. I spent the next ten, fifteen minutes at least reeling from the emotional shock this freaking show put me in. Sawyer is heartbroken and I'm crying just as much as he is. It's revealed that the fall didn't actually kill her, so for a moment we're offered a bit of hope, but then she detonates the hydrogen bomb and the entire screen goes white. Boom. End of season five. No, seriously. That's really how it ends. You're left wondering all summer what happens next. Well actually, I wasn't, because I was watching it on Netflix. Therefore, I used up a box of tissues, composed myself, and clicked 'next episode.'

And what the actual fuck? Juliet's alive?! Why yes, folks, she detonated the bomb and nothing happened. Jin, Kate, Jack, and Sawyer clear all the debris and Sawyer climbs down into the hole to find her unconscious. When she wakes up, she's thoroughly upset that the bomb didn't go off and when Sawyer asks why, she tells him, "I wanted you to be able to go home. I wanted to make it so that you never came to this damn Island!" Oh my god, break my heart a little more, why don't you? He manages to clear the debris off her broken body and the two snuggle a moment in their dark environs. Then she starts rambling and saying things that make no sense in the context of their conversation- signs that she's, to put it modernly, going into the light. He panics and looks at her, and she says, "James, kiss me." His tearful response? "You got it, Blondie." The two kiss and afterwards Juliet tells Sawyer she has to tell him something very important... and promptly dies in his arms.

Then we- and by we, I mean Sawyer and I- begin to sob violently once more. Guys, you don't understand- he loved her so freaking much. It was just absolutely heartbreaking to watch him watch her die. And then later, two episodes in advance, when he's on the dock crying and Kate tries to comfort him, he tells her, "I was going to ask her to marry me." UGH. Another knife to the heart!! These two just... I can't. I love them so much. Like even this blog post can't do them justice. Even everything I'm saying cannot express my undying love for them. And Sawyer's crying and Kate's crying and I'm crying all because of Juliet, who, at first, I didn't even like. This is the power of great television, ladies and gentlemen.

BUT WAIT- THERE'S MORE. They have a happy ending... kind of. When it's revealed, in the series finale, that the flash-sideways is actually a type of purgatory that the characters have entered upon dying and now have to find each other and reunite, every little side couple gets their moment. Claire and Charlie remember, Shannon and Sayid remember, and Jin and Sun do, too. But without a doubt, hands down, the best "remembering" sequence, even better than Jack and Kate's, is Sawyer and Juliet's. In my opinion, it's honestly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen on television. My words cannot do it justice, but I'll do what I can.

Sawyer's a cop and Juliet's still a doctor. They meet by the vending machines and she makes a joke about reading the failed machine its rights. They laugh, she manages to pull a few tricks that gets him his candy bar, and when she hands it to them and their hands touch, they feel a spark and see a few memories they had on the Island. They're confused, they don't know what's going on, so they touch again and this time, a whole slew of memories flash before their eyes. It's then that they remember each other and Sawyer, tentatively says, "Juliet? Juliet, it's me! It's me, baby!" They hug in the most epic hug of all hugs and she begins to cry with happiness and relief. Sawyer, in equal amounts of relief and happiness, assures her, "I got you. I got you, baby." They're laughing, they're grinning, they're touching all over until Juliet says, "Kiss me, James!" and Sawyer, in typical Sawyer fashion, replies, "You got it, Blondie." And they embrace and once more the two are happy.

And, well, there you have it. I've nearly exhausted myself with all of my feelings for these two. But their love is just something I've never seen before on television. The complications and the drama that follow Jack and Kate just don't seem to exist with these two. They have a beautiful, full understanding of the other and the thought of losing the other- or, in Sawyer's case, the terrible reality- is absolute unfathomable. Sawyer and Juliet are two of the broken, damaged, lost members of the Island crew, but together, with each other, they are finally found.

I Can't Tell You... Magician's Code

This entry is less of a rant and more of a place for me to squeal over all of my spectacular How I Met Your Mother feelings. Because in one (well technically two since it was split in half) episode, this show brought me so much joy that I literally made zero sense when conversing with others afterward. I texted my friend, "Perfect show is perfect!" Like... that makes no sense but at the same time it explains this episode in absolute perfection. I am indeed talking about the season 7 finale, "The Magician's Code."

Usually finale's make people angry. And I guess if you're still hoping that Robin will end up with Ted (y'all need to give that up) or if you're part of the delusional group of fans that actually likes Barney and Quinn together, this episode probably did make you mad. It probably pissed you right off and if it did, well... You completely missed the point of these joyous occasions. Yes, that's plural, because so much happened- they packed so much into this finale- that I had to write it all down just to make coherent sense with my feelings. And thus, this entry came to be.

So we'll start at the beginning- The Magician's Code, Part 1. Marshall and Barney are in Atlantic City when they receive news that Lily's in labor and Ted, not so helpfully, sends everyone on his contact list a ridiculous video about the labor. Robin takes control and tells Lily she'd spent a summer delivering foals on her aunt's farm, or something equally ridiculous, and this doesn't make Lily feel better, even if she does enjoy being brushed and eating sugar cubes. To distract Lily from the pain of the contractions, Ted and Robin tell her a bunch of randomly hilarious stories about the previous year.

And this is where TV overlaps, folks. While watching these scenes that supposedly happened over the current season- even though we've never seen them- I had a sense of deja vu. Then I realized why- How I Met Your Mother was attempting to do a fake clip show, just as Community has successfully done, twice. And yes, I may be a little biased, but I personally thought Community did it better. But anyway. The story of the secret door, the time Barney saved a girl's life, and the worst cab ride ever were absolutely hysterical, so props, guys.

Fast forward a few scenes- Barney bribes a bus driver to take him and Marshall to the hospital where Lily's giving birth. In exchange for this favor- because even the birth of his friend's baby can't stop Barney from garnishing wages- Barney gets to choose the little boy's middle name. And choose well he does- as Lily introduces their son to the other three, she announces her son as Marvin Waitforit Eriksen. Everyone thinks this is the coolest middle name ever and though I was a bit wary at first, once you say it a bunch of times, it's so freaking awesome.


And though a lot of people absolutely hate it when babies are born on TV, I have to disagree. Maybe it's because this show is different than others and I don't cringe watching it like I do with other laugh-track comedies. Adding little Marvin to the bunch just seems like the natural course of action after seven years of waiting for Marshall and Lily to procreate. Even though those two haven't always been, ahem, mature- yes, I'm referencing the chugging of beers and "eating sandwiches"- they're going to be wonderful parents because they're just right for it. They fit together and they fit with their newborn son and it warmed my heart- I know, how cheesy- to see them with their little bundle of joy.

But then... the episode started to worry me. Reason one- Barney and Quinn. I personally have no idea why he was so obsessed with this girl. And it isn't because I'm a Barney-and-Robin fan, because I actually really liked the whole arc where he was dating Nora- yeah, remember Nora? But anyway, Quinn's a freak of nature. I've seen arguments where people are like, "Quinn makes Barney a better person!!" Um... I beg to differ. Their relationship is so competitive it's unhealthy; they spend most of their time battling, wit for wit, until one dominates the other. Until they pick a fight and do it all over again. It's irritating. He's always trying to figure out a way to outsmart her and she's always giving him a snarky, sarcastic retort. Blegh. But, even through the aforementioned scene, I remained calm.

Until this. Guys, I know this is a super unpopular opinion, but I hate Victoria. And yeah, I'm aware she's not the mother, so this ride off into the sunset is only a mere fling, but that doesn't make it okay. She's annoying, I don't even think I have a stronger argument. And instead of focusing on who the mother is, we're STILL focusing on who the mother is not. What the hell. Can we move on? Because as charming and endearing as Ted is, I don't think I can watch another season of his failed relationships and him whining, "I wanna get marrieeeeeeeeed!!!" Like... Honestly.

And then this happened and I screamed my head off. But unlike the obscenity-filled tirade I embarked upon an hour earlier during the Gossip Girl finale, this one was much smoother and much, much more enjoyable. The first time I watched it I was hopping up and down, I was flailing, I was squealing, I was shouting things that made no sense, I texted my friend and, like I said, the message was completely incoherent. I was just so happy and so relieved that it wasn't Quinn that I could not contain myself. Recently I rewatched this fabulous finale and felt all the feelings again. But instead of relief, I was like, "Oh my God, how could we not see this coming? Why were we even worried? Of course it was going to be Robin!!" Like was there honestly any way he'd wind up marrying some rando ex-stripper? Yeah, exactly.


Anyway, those are my feelings. September 24th at 8 p.m. all you How I Met Your Mother fans have a date with CBS to see where this all picks up. I know that everything isn't going to be sunshine and rainbows- Barney's still with Quinn, Robin's going to move on, and somehow, they have to reunite and actually decide to get married. And, when this time comes, both are going to get cold feet. Yeah, we all know that. But I hope it doesn't last too long and I hope that there aren't too many complications for Ro Ro and the Barnstormer (their nicknames, not mine) to overcome. Because, let's face it, they've been through a lot. And honestly, right now, I just want them to be happy. :)