How I Met Your Mother Gets Real

Hello friends! Taking a mini-break from my Community rewatch, I found out that I've had this blog about a month and still haven't ranted about How I Met Your Mother. Ridiculous. I guess part of the reason is because usually, the show is so perfect, there's nothing to rant about. Sure, there's the occasional annoyance- that annoying Zoe girl Ted dated, the way Barney treats the group sometimes, Robin's (almost) entire dating history- but then something amazing happens and I always forget about the bad stuff.

Except for this- for a comedy, How I Met Your Mother knows how to do tragedy really well. There are five situations that have happened over the course of the show's run that have either made me really, really sad or have actually made me cry. Now it's not that easy to make me cry in real life, but at television shows? Forget about it. You wanna make me cry? Make me sit through the series finale of Lost or the way-too-long-but-always-worth-the-watch tearjerker Titanic. Yeah. Those'll both do it, that's for sure. So yeah. The point of this post is talk about those five instances that had me reaching for my box of tissues, because even though How I Met Your Mother is a comedy and is always on top of their game in that area, sometimes things get a little real.

Marshall and Lily break up

How could anyone not have been upset by this? I mean, I know it looks like he's smiling in that picture, but he's doing it quite ironically, kind of like, "Hey, just sitting in the rain because all of my hopes and dreams just went down the crapper. And how was your day, Ted?" I can totally see where Lily's coming from, don't get me wrong- she was about to be tied down for the rest of her life and she needed to have one last hurrah to see if she really could have made it as an artist. But... did you need to break Marshall's heart in the process? She is the only one he's ever done anything with- dated, had sex, loved. These two are the epitome of meant to be, so when they broke up, it was absolutely heartwrenching.

The thing about Marshall and Lily, though, is that even though they broke up, I knew for a fact they'd get back together, because unlike the other three members of their MacLaren's group, they're usually drama-free... relationship-wise. It's refreshing to see a couple on TV that doesn't have to go through trials and tribulations to be with each other. Marshall and Lily are just happy. They're weird, sure, but that's what makes them work. It's why I was so shocked to see them split, because even their toughest arguments have seen a quick resolution. So, although this isn't the saddest moment I've chosen, it's probably the most shocking.

Ted gets left at the altar

I couldn't find the picture I wanted, even though I've seen a thousand gifs of it all over the internet. It's the one where Ted is all dressed in his tux, all excited about the wedding, and then he starts reading the note Stella's left him and gets instantly depressed. Instead, I'm using this picture, which is when he proposed to her. Both moments are equally depressing because I always hated this bitch. I hate her, I hate that she lives in New Jersey, I hate her stupid karate chopping ex-husband, I even hate her daughter Lucy, though I'm not really sure why.

So let's take a moment to talk about this bitch- she fancies herself a doctor, but she's a dermatologist. I'm not saying that doesn't require a medical degree, but it's not like if you're in labor or if you're having a heart attack she's going to be of much assistance. Plus, she removes tattoos in her free time. Strike one. Second, she's been married before, which is a ton of baggage, if you ask me, and lives in a little shithole house in New Jersey. Strike two. And third, she leaves caring, hilarious, magnificent Ted for her Italian kickboxer ex-husband, who she obviously had issues with before or they'd still be married. Strike three, you're outta here, Stella.


I don't know, maybe I'm being a little harsh. I just can't see why, seven seasons later, Ted's still having issues finding a proper mother for David Henrie and that random brunette girl. Ted Mosby is a cute, funny, and great guy and so I'm not really sure why he's having so much trouble. The fact that he got left at the altar didn't make me sad as much as it made me angry, because Stella's no picnic so she's glad Ted even wanted to marry her, you know? Count your blessings, babe. He could have anyone he wanted. And yet, she ended up doing the Mexican Hat Dance on his heart, which left Ted depressed and Britni a not-so-happy camper. Enough said on this before I get angry again ;)

Barney learns about his biological father's new family

So I'm no therapist nor am I an expert on Daddy Issues, but it seems to be a recurring theme on television. And yet, How I Met Your Mother managed to make theirs semi-unique and still equally saddening. Barney grew up thinking his father was Bob Barker of The Price is Right, which was funny, until one fateful trip to the Natural History Museum in which he learns that his "Uncle Jerry" is actually his father. After an entire year of pondering this he goes to meet his father and instead comes upon this picturesque neighborhood and his father's house, which is the epitome of family home- two-car garage, a porch, a basketball hoop over the driveway. Barney was most likely thinking, as I was, "What the hell...?"

I expected the reason Barney's father Jerry wasn't around when he was growing up was because he was a no-good piece of shit. However, the fancy house and the family dinner they sit down to later, with Jerry introducing his wife, his daughter Carly and his son Jerome Jr., a.k.a his new family, say otherwise. It's more than Barney can take and I was just as angry and upset (told you I get too involved in TV) as he was while I was watching it. But the most heartbreaking part was the very end, with Barney standing on top of their family car and trying to wrench the basketball hoop from the garage door, saying, "If you were going to be some lame suburban dad, why you couldn't you have been that for me?"

That line absolutely killed me. =(

Marshall's father dies

It's not even the fact that his father is dead, although that part caught up to me later. It's the way he finds out, especially after being so thrilled to find he wasn't sterile and didn't have any fertility issues. He's thrilled to find this out, he's having a great day, when all of a sudden Lily pulls up in a cab looking like she has some awful news. And she does- the first thing she says is, "Marshall, something's happened. Your father had a heart attack. He didn't make it." And then he asks, incredulously, for her to clarify if his father's dead, and she nods, and they cry and hug and Marshall says, "I'm not ready for this!"

Because... how can you be? Whether you're five or ninety-five, no one is ever prepared to lose a parent. And I cried along with them and long into the ending credits, after the episode was over, because even though I've been fortunate enough to not have lost either of my parents and even though these two are actors... I felt the pain. I felt the incredible shock and loss Marshall felt because Jason Segel acted it really, really well. So... you killed me, How I Met Your Mother. You really killed me with this episode and I don't have anything else to say. Congratulations, you've done the impossible: you've rendered me speechless.

Robin discovers she can't have children

 

Now this... This is something I wasn't expecting. I'm not going to lie, I cringed when How I Met Your Mother did the whole "We slept together, we both regretted it, oops I'm pregnant!" cliche. But they way they solved it was absolutely depressing and shit got real, guys. So, Robin, while dating Kevin, and Barney, while dating Nora, sleep together and then decide not to get back together, even though Barney dumped Nora for the latter. Weeks later, she tells Barney she's pregnant and Britni cringes. Then, when they go to the doctor, they find out she's actually not pregnant and everyone, including Britni, is happy. Then, the bomb drops- not only is Robin not pregnant, but she cannot have children. Ever.

So the shot of random brunette number 2 and mini-Barney in a tux? Imaginary children that don't, and will never, exist. And at first I wasn't that saddened by it, because Robin's always been very upfront about not wanting marriage and not wanting children. But then she sits on a cold bench in the snow and thinks about her life as her voiceover talks to her faux children and drops the bombshell: "I'm so glad you're not real." She says it but doesn't mean it, because why else, when she returns to her apartment, would she be sobbing like a complete basket case? And later, in the New Year's episode, she tells a drunken Sandy Rivers that she's "so done" with 2011 and "had to let go of dreams she never knew she had". Make me cry again, why don't you?

So How I Met Your Mother is a brilliant comedy, but watch out. Shit gets real sometimes and when it does, the writers do it just as brilliantly. Keep a cautious eye on the storyline. Otherwise, you'll find yourselves grabbing for those tissues just like I did.